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Our close companions for over two decades, who has faced and conquered many obstacles, which I admire. But, she has been repeatedly blindsided by others. Her husband left her, which came as a massive blow. A lot of her social circle disappeared at that point, as they were only interested in him. It shocked her. She made more effort to be my friend, and must have grasped better the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, and she left not understanding why things shifted.

Present Situation

Lately, both of us retired and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding my role in the relationship is as the audience. I start discussion points and she changes conversation onto what interests her. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. I attempt to suggest double-checking information or other angles.

She has been arranging a holiday to a country I know well on several occasions even called home for a while. I attempted to share insights, however, my input met with resistance. She really solely sought my agreement with her plans. I recently come back from 30 days in that place and she wants to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to be a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she will ever grasp the effect of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for resolution takes courage and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially involves describing how things go when you talk. Aim for this to be objective and clear and essentially an unbiased account. Step two is to tell how this affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no dispute here. Your feelings are valid, naturally. The third step is to ask ways you together will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for half an hour."

This can be effective to encourage understanding.

Final Thoughts

She could ignore your concerns, as some people have a deep-seated story: they have a version regarding their experiences they're unable to let go of since their identity is tied to it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path here, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out defensively and then think about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides closure that you've been honest with her.